Farida Sobowale – an understandable suicide attempt
At first I thought the video was one of the many skits that pervade social media until I started seeing messages of solidarity from her friends and family.
She actually drove a very expensive jeep and attempted to jump. Thankfully, Lagosians held her down and begged her.
I have never supported suicide, coming close to the act myself twice.
But then again, the justification can be very compelling in some cases.
In this case, she ‘bought’ a husband for about N100m and one month later, the man ran away.
It’s enough to want to jump from the bridge. I would jump and not even wait for anybody to come and hold me.
If you have not been there you won’t understand it.
Just yday, I had a very painful discussion. It was deep and dark. A lot of pain no tears but a helplessness that came from despair.
As I laid on my couch some hours after, nothing made meaning to me anymore. All the dreams, vision, friends and family all meant nothing in that dark moment.
I felt very strongly like jumping but I knew that by the time, I drove to the bridge, the breeze would have blown into my face and Afang will hungry me
So I started listening to Bocelli and that pulled me out.
This morning I listened to her. She was crying begging for forgiveness and asking pple not to blame her.
It was love she said. It was over love she said. She had loved too much and was betrayed in the most dastardly manner which threw her into a turmoil that now presented the Lagoon as the only avenue for relieve.
Don’t know if without the make up she is beautiful cos all of her pictures that I have seen, she has hidden behind heavy make up but from her tears and her prayers she is definitely a beautiful soul.
She prayed for her ex husband. She prayed that he found a good wife. This touched me, she has recovered and God has blessed her.
Suicide is serious and not everybody has the mental strength to fight it when the dark hole comes.
You must recognise the triggers and avoid them. I used to have my own dark spells.
My first encounter with death spiralled me. My dad had died after 5 years of a tortuous illness. I thought I was strong g and did t cry throughout.
It was all a relive for me as I flew into calabar to relax for two days in a swanky hotel before I traveled to our village by road.
I buried him and came back to Lagos and continued with my life as if nothing had happened.
Then I started seeing the lonely foot path that led to my father’s grave. It messed me up, that footpath that led to the loneliness of his grave for me encapsulated where all our daily struggles ended.
After the burial, we all walked away leaving him alone in the bush and my mistake was taking a last look before I entered the car.
The footpath and that last look haunted me for years. Pushing me to despair, a dark hole.
Those moments it was OK to end it. A voice will tell me to end it. I used to live on the third floor and one night it was OK for me to jump.
It was 2am and I opened the sliding door and stood on the balcony contemplating how the jump would be.
The decision was final, what delayed it was how to go, head first or legs first and in that split second, Zara who was a toddler came in her sleep and held me crying scared of the dark.
I grabbed her and hugged her and went back into the room both of us crying. She crying for breast milk, me not even knowing why I was crying.
So my sister Fareeda u are not alone, this is a fight u must win.
I fought mine with music and writing. I listened a lot to Italian sopranos. The fact that I didn’t understand what they were saying made it easy for the music to permeate my soul and heal me.
I dont knw if Kwam 1 can do the same for u. Just dont be shy, go into therapy. I knw some good ones if u ask politely and you will be OK.
Don’t stop loving cos u will surely find ur soul mate a d this person may not come from expected sources and may even come with baggage, it doesn’t matter.
What will matter is the way he will make you feel. The way your soul will relax when you look into his eyes and the way u will melt into his arms showing you that you are on the right path.
Send me an address let me send you tickets to see Anonymous Nipples, there is nothing better than a good laugh after such trauma
Pele Aburo
Duke of Shomolu
N12
